The How to Talk Books (Faber & Mazlish)

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote the most-praised communication manuals for parents, both rooted in the workshops of child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott. If the Get Kids to Listen skill page is the method, these are the source books — written as workbooks you write in, one chapter a week, cartoon panels for quick refreshers.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Scribner, 1980; 30th-anniversary edition 2012 with a new afterword ("The Next Generation") by Joanna Faber. The home edition.

Chapters: 1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings · 2. Engaging Cooperation · 3. Alternatives to Punishment · 4. Encouraging Autonomy · 5. Praise · 6. Freeing Children from Playing Roles (escaping family labels like "the klutz") · 7. Putting It All Together.

How the authors say to use it: read slowly, actually do the written exercises, one chapter per week, ideally with a friend to argue answers with. Tear-out reminder pages go up around the house. The cartoons exist so a tired parent can re-learn a skill at a glance.

Why it's on this site's shelf: the feeling-acceptance method is the mainstream foundation underneath most modern parenting-skills advice — and its respect-the-child stance lines up with neurodiversity-affirming practice. For autism and ADHD families, the cooperation tools (one-word reminders, written notes, choices) adapt well; the verbal scripts assume a verbally fluent child, so pair them with AAC/signs for minimally verbal kids.

How to Talk So Kids Can Learn

The "classroom edition" — same skills re-cast for home plus school, told as six parent-teacher workshop sessions. Adds:

• Seven cooperation skills (the home one gains "offer a choice" and "be playful" — draw, sing, or doodle the reminder instead of nagging)
• Six-step problem-solving with the child: hear feelings → summarize their view → state yours → brainstorm together → write down every idea (cross nothing out) → act and review
• Punishment chapter: why punishment controls behavior without teaching, and what to do instead (self-discipline via consequences the child helps design)
• The parent-teacher partnership chapter — an ideal-conference exercise replacing accusation ("you never send his homework") with sharing what works at home and building the plan together. For any family heading into school-support meetings (IEP or its local equivalent), this chapter alone is worth the book.

Which one first?

Most families start with How to Talk So Kids Will Listen (the classic), then pick up Can Learn if school is where the battles live. Used copies are inexpensive and widely available; both remain in print 40+ years on, which tells you something about demand.

Book reference compiled from publisher excerpts and reviewed material — not medical advice.